I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
