just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
