If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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