So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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