Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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