This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
