mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
