hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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