Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
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FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
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You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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