i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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