she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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