your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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