it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
