Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
