yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
