M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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