Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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