Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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