shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
