One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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