what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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