Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
