Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
