i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
