didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
