I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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