how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
