I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
