well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
