Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
