her vagine was all disorganized.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
