To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
