We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
