We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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