eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
