How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
