she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
