So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im holly from the hills drunk
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
