I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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