when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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