So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
