Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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