He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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