Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
