my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
4 words: hood of his car
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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