i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
