I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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