and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
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If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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