woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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