ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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