An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize