also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
