At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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