No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
