So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
