How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
