is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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