My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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