I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
