at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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