The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
