I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize