well you can't waste a boner
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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