I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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