went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
