i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
