New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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