I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
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You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
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I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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