Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
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