today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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