Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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