so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
